Reflection

I have been feeling drowned with fatigue and struggling to cope with the tasks of my daily life because of it for quite some time. Granted I have 5 kids in 3 schools with busy schedules and that can be a lot to manage when I’m at the top of my game. Some days are better than others and I feel like myself again, easily multi-tasking motherhood and enjoying life.  Other days I feel lucky if I’ve had a shower, done a chore, and no one’s been lost in the shuffle.  😉   In retrospect, I’ve been water-boarded by this feeling in varying degrees since Eden was born. 

A month ago, after another severe flare and feeling like I had the flu, I went again in search of answers.  I visited the general practitioner just to quickly rule out something contagious.  After getting the usual assumptions of thyroid, blood pressure, diabetes, etc. and passing each test with flying colors, the doctor was sure it was a virus similar to Mono because of my elevated liver enzymes.  

Two weeks, my usual doctor, and 3 vials of blood later, my naturopath called to say that she had run a Sed Rate Test and the result was high pointing to inflammation.  My Elevated Liver Enzyme results had doubled since my last test.  She also told me that my ANA Test results were positive and that based on the fatigue and my many other symptoms, she was pretty sure my diagnosis would be Lupus, a chronic Autoimmune Disease

Dr. Karen wants me to see a specialist to get a definite diagnosis.  So I’m in waiting mode until just before Christmas when I have my initial consultation with the Rheumatologist.  I’m proudly not scaring myself by scouring the internet for horror-stories, which can be easy to do in this age of technology.  I am gathering information so that I can make informed choices.  I’m preparing questions for the doctor and familiarizing myself with terminology and jargon so that I don’t need an interpreter to explain the conversation with Dr. J in December.

I was sitting in the Safeway parking lot when I took the call about my results, fat rain drops trickling on the windshield.  I had scrambled to gather up groceries and buckle Giant Baby into his carseat and I remember thinking the raindrops were symbolically welcoming tears.  But I wasn’t sad.  I felt vindicated.  I felt like all the symptoms I’ve had were finally being justified.  Finally, proof that I wasn’t going crazy.  That I wasn’t overly sensitive, make-believing sensations, or being a hypochondriac.  I’m not crazy!!! 

At least not about how my body feels and is behaving.   😉

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2 Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, Treva. Good for you for not searching the internet for scary and mis-information.

    • I’ve been known to web-md myself in the past and I wanted to be sure I go into this open minded. I don’t want to self-diagnose or worry myself about what “might be” when I have no control over the future. I’ll leave it in God’s hands, pray for healing, and get out of the way, lol!

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